You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
