and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
