I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
