did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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