some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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