she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
