I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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