I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
