his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
