I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
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