Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
