i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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