I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have so many feelings about this burrito
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
