weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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