the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
