He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
