Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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