Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
