whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
