sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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