..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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