yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
