and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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