How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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