Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
