i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
