If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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