we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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