This house was built for laser tag.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
