So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
