yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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