If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
