jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
