Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
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We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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