Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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