My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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