someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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