I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
