that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
