maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
