i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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