he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
