I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
