I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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