Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
