Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
