can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
