the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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