So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
