No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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