He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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