How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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