I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
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He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
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He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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