Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
