Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
