my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
