Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
