So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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