4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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