Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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