I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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