I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I deserve to be covered in dicks
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
