He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
