Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
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