she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
