all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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